Thursday, January 3, 2008

The Confessions of a Blogging Sinner

Okay. The shame has become too great. The scroll of people who have threatened to black-list my blog has become too long. All because I have long violated the one and only Cardinal Rule of Blogging:

"Thou shalt here and forevermore maintaineth thine blog by making frequent posts for thine readers."

It all began with the gentle urgings of a good friend and fellow blogger, Kayla Schrag, who reminded me almost three weeks ago that it had been about a month since the appearance of my last blog. She said it with kindness, but undaunted solemnity.

But a few days ago, a certain pastor who lives and ministers in our area (who shall remain nameless, but whose name rhymes with "Craig Roams") confronted me near my office and said, "John, did you know that you have a blog?"

Punk.

Then, to make matters worse, my dear sweet mammy told me over the New Years weekend that she sorely missed reading my blog. Of course, such a comment could only affect the kind of heart-felt remorse that any of us feel when our dear sweet mammies bring any kind of embarrassment to our attention. For some of us, it might be picking our nose in public. For others, it might be the length of time we have allowed to pass by since our last shower. But for me, it was the blatant violation of the Cardinal Rule of Blogging (see aforementioned rule above).

And now the final straw has been placed upon the proverbial camel's humped back. A wonderful woman and deacon's wife in our church, who kindly refers to herself as Grandma Vonnie, has actually left a public post on my blog calling me out for the heinous crime I have committed against the online, virtual community.

I have thus endeavored to publicly write out my confession of web-based shortcomings along with a commitment of repentance:

"I, John Buerger, have taken my readership for granted for far too long. I have advertised my blog on Facebook without delivering on the implied promise of frequent posts. I have read the blogs of others and left comments without giving them a post to comment on in return.

"I have stayed up for long hours in my home, watching movies, TV shows, playing games, reading books, performing house-hold chores, talking to friends who live in other states on the telephone, staying at the bedside of those who are sick and down-trodden, fighting for the rights of all those who live in Hesston, staying up long nights in order to defend the weak against the criminals and evil-doers who relentlessly stalk our streets, while all along I could have been writing blogs for those to whom it is due.

"I have taken evil delight, cackling with a laughter only heard from villains on old Disney movies, whenever I have thought of those poor souls who are working so hard to keep their eyes open and their sleep-starven bodies awake while linking on to the Worldwide Web just one more time before the sun comes up in order to see whether or not John Buerger has written another blog post.

"From all of these things, I heretofore repent and promise that blogs shall once again roll down like the spring-time rains of Hesston. Posts shall rise up like Mt. Hesston's snowy peak in the center of King Park.

"So it is written. So it shall be done."

7 comments:

Grandma Vonnie said...

John,

You have now come through the dark night of blogging where the aridity of blogging ideas and the prolificity of other passtimes has kept you from posting. And it will also be seen how many blessings the dark night of blogging brings with it, since it cleanses the creative mind and purifies it from imperfections.

The confession is very good because there are certain blogging imperfections which beginners have with respect to the habit of pride. As blogging beginners feel themselves to be very fervent and diligent in blogging, from this prosperity there often comes to them, through their imperfections, a certain kind of secret pride, whence they come to have some degree of satisfaction with their works and with themselves. And hence there comes to them likewise a certain desire, which is somewhat vain, and at times very vain, to blog, and sometimes even to post on other people's blogs rather than to write their own blog. They condemn others in their heart when they see that they have not the kind of blogging ideas which they themselves desire; and sometimes they even say this in words, herein resembling the Pharisee, who boasted of himself, and his own good works and despising the publican.

But, hey, who am I to write all this—I do not even have my own blog. So, I shall clap my hand over my mouth and read quietly and anonymously in the world of bloggers.

(PS: My apologies to St. John of the Cross for plagiarizing Dark Night of the Soul, and using it for my own purposes.)

Kayla Vernise said...

Thank you for two reasons.
1) A well written blogging apology. All is forgiven.
and 2) I am quite excited that I made the blog. Someday i will return the favor. ~k

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